Real Talk

Well.

Being home from Alberta has been a blessing and a curse.

Alberta was a whirlwind of emotions but equally as busy.

Being home brings a soothing comfort but with that comes more down time and feeling.

This morning I woke up.

I thought about what I will do today.

And on my list of a million things I rattled off,

FaceTime Grandma.

You see, we would FaceTime 3-4 times a week with the girls.

On the days she was at goeasy, she reveled in showing her amazing colleagues(friends) her babies.

On wednesdays and sundays she would show the girls Winston and we chat about all the things we had going on in the upcoming week.

She would laugh as I complained about life’s trivial things with the girls.

Autumn not sleeping.

Everly throwing tantrums.

The list goes on.

She always made me feel better.

She always made me feel heard.

She always made me feel validated.

Carolyn Withrow was always a rock for our family. Standing by us through thick and thin. Her love did not waver. It was not conditional. It was a steady stream that we knew we could always drink out of.

So today, my heart has a fresh hole in it.

I woke up and for a minute, I felt everything was normal.

I was going to FaceTime my mother in law, someone who’d become one of my best friends, and she was going to make me laugh.

Just like always.

But as the words “we’ll FaceTime grandma…” left my mouth, I suddenly remembered our reality.

The nausea returned, the pain in my heart began again, my breath became shallow, and the tears began to roll.

So today, I will tell Everly a funny story about you.

I will look through some photos in between the loads of never ending laundry.

And I will remember, that even though my family’s hearts are shattered while we navigate this new reality, we were beyond blessed to get to have you in our lives.

To get to love you.

And to have you love us.

We’ll still talk today.

It’ll just look a little different.

Love you Mama Withrow.

Xoxo,

Dom